Monday, January 12, 2015

Massacre

Two thousand souls will all complain
Upon returning to their lord
"Not long after our blood was spilled,
The living moans of being bored."

January 10, 2015 



Sunday, January 11, 2015

Dying Babies and Fools

17 December 2014

Babies lying on the floor
Babies dying score by score
Fools cry out, WAR WAR WAR WAR!
But babies...babies are no more

Peshawar

16 December 2014

Babies, babies all in red
Babies, babies go to bed
No more sad tears shall you shed
No more monsters shall you dread

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

your art

your art
is a crazy messed up love story
creating, collaborating
crumbling, cutting
crafting, controlling high notes
intense colors
cue harmonies
a medley of emotions
then tones of silence
pregnant pauses
lights fade
cue discord  
hanging throughout the dark room
spilling over the music sheets
and drafts and drafts of words
thrown to the wind
hidden in a reel
burned in the fire
delete, trash, permanent delete
exit stage right
and begin
again.



Written 28 October 2014 // 5 Muharram 1436

Sunday, August 24, 2014

broken lineage

He roars when he speaks
His wife watches and weeps
"Traitors!" "Betrayal!"
He cries out in his sleep

His fierce demeanor
Strikes fear in the stranger
Arms thrashing and flailing
He paces alone in anger

But in a moment of stillness
             look at his face.

Those wild, blood-shot eyes?
Expose the brokenness inside
Of centuries of inherited dreams
Shattered
by a lie.






Sunday, August 10, 2014

Speaking in Public

Dedication: To the news that evokes memories one works through by writing

The first time my husband and I took the LIRR from Penn Station, a tall, 6-foot something, middle-aged white man with graying hair aggressively interrupted our conversation and said, "Hey hey, we're in America. Speak in English."

Our conversations are usually a mix of English and Bangla -- and I'm not even sure if we were speaking in Bangla at that moment.
We were standing in the area where people wait to see their gate number flash. It was incredibly crowded -- and it was as if this man came out of nowhere. Maybe the stranger took a look at my headscarf, overheard his accent, and then put the two together to mean 'not English?'

...but how could someone overhear anything in Penn Station during peak hours unless he stood very close and strained to listen in?

I was so mad. On behalf of MY country -- which I felt particularly entitled to claim because my husband was visiting from Canada -- I was especially mad. 
The Mad Hatter, Central Park, NYC
I had waited long for his first visit to the U.S. and was so invested in him having a wonderful experience -- that it pissed me off to have to meet a racist THAT DAY.  

They could at least give us a few months and THEN come out of the woodworks.

(It was also the fall I took kung fu and probably had an unrealistic vision of my "skillz.")

So I told the stranger I must have learned incorrectly from public school my rights; that I wasn't aware there was an official public speaking language; and that we could speak any language we want. 

He didn't stop. He moved closer into my space, lowering his voice, saying something like "Don't you know what's going on these days? This is America." 

It was dumb - but I couldn't help myself. Maybe I should have walked away. I've done that many times before - hold my tongue and walk away. For some reason, at that moment--I couldn't help myself. 

That moment of anger -- it was the kind of anger that comes from protectiveness. At that moment, I knew between me and my partner, I had more power. In spite of my gender, race, visibility - I had the idiomatic language, the sense of entitlement and belonging. 

I raised my voice and said repeatedly he needed to mind his own business. He then nodded at a white family standing nearby and said, "See? They agree with me." By that time, the father (I assume) spoke up and said, "WHAT?! Absolutely NOT. I agree with her." 

That's when I realized people were listening in -- because then an Indian-American guy spoke up. And then a Latino. And then the Huntington gate opened and everyone began running toward the train. 

---

It didn't/doesn't feel heroic; it all feels/felt absurd -- the way someone could/can storm in and out of your life, leaving destruction and debris in its wake without accountability. In our case, we live with a story to tell and with me slightly entertained that the men around me suddenly began to speak up once they heard an older white male give voice to an opinion they shared. 

---

While on the train, I still felt unnerved and looked around to see if we were followed. I even questioned whether the whole thing was staged, a mise-en-scène orchestrated by secret puppet masters... because as fast as the stranger seemed to come out of nowhere, it also felt like he disappeared into thin air.  




Sunday, July 13, 2014

War, Rifles and Flags: Fútbol Fever Part Deux

Every human love and hate has a context.   
U.S. students debkeh to Yankee Doodle in Jarash, 2006.

I have now witnessed fútbol fever first-hand while living in four different countries. I was in Egypt during the African Cup when Ghana was hosting; and I was in three different countries during three consecutive World Cups -- first in Jordan when Germany was hosting; then in Bangladesh when South Africa was hosting; and most recently in the United States with Brazil hosting.

Some symptoms of this particular fever include temporary madness (if love is a temporary madness); peculiar manifestations of patriotism or transnational loyalties on one’s body, home, car, children, and pets; fickle bandwagonness and accusations of bandwagonning; erratic and ecstatic fangirling; sudden onset of hot sweats during the male pageantry; and increased levels of pious devotion including extra prayers, kinder behavior, and generous charity. 

The exact expressions of happiness and grief may vary according to context, but the intensity of delirious partisan adoration of team sports – regardless of context – mirrors each other in a way akin to the strife of kinship rivalry. 

************************

While I was studying Arabic at Yarmouk University in Jordan, the games coincided with the 2006 Lebanon War (also called the 2006 Israel–Hezbollah War, also known as the July War). There were moments my roommate and I thought we could see through our windows smoke clouds from the Israeli airstrikes in Lebanon.

Located near the northern border of Jordan, Irbid is also very close to the borders of Syria, the northwest of Israel, and Southern Lebanon. The fear and anger during the war — and the flooding in of refugees — was palpable in a characteristically quiet town. The flags of loyalties went up as if to both express and shield the crushing feelings of helplessness in the face of human suffering. 

... So when I first heard shots of gunfire and men shouting loudly at night, I was terrified. They felt close.

Too close.

My roommate and I ran to look out our apartment windows. The night in Irbid was dark — and it was too dark to see anything.  We considered whether the war had crossed the border, because, really, what were those borders without their guardians' machine guns and wars other than lines redrawn on a map by men who lived on another continent?

Our terror, however, soon changed to relief.

World Cup 2006 had begun, and fans were celebrating the first goals made — by shooting their rifles in the air.  Over a single night, flags representing team loyalties went up.  More Italian flags could be seen covering storefronts and cars than the usual Palestinian flags and paraphernalia of the Jordanian King.

Although in other contexts we might have been angry with this absurdly ridiculous waste and dangerous nuisance, we could not help but feel grateful that it was only celebratory fireworks — and not the fire of war.

Raad Adayleh/AP